2 years later…

Dear Dad, 

2 years already. 731 days.

I hope you’re living it up, and getting as much fried food and green chillies as your heart desires. Amitabh Bhachan movies and Shreya Goshal songs playing on repeat with Dolby Atmos surround sound while you cozy up in a reclining chair with a glass of Glenlivet and your blue blanket. 

I've endured a couple hardships in my life, but nothing compared to losing you so unexpectedly. You were so young. We had our whole lives ahead of us. My future wedding and kids, traveling the world together, getting to call you an old fart.

But life doesn't bend to your desires, your vision of how life will play out, does it?

Up until the age of 27, I cried just a small handful of times in my life from the years I remember. On the morning of March 18, 2023, when your heart slowed to stop beating and your hand went cold in mine, I let out the most primal outburst of tears I ever have before. Ever since, I cry often. Sometimes just a small tear thinking of you in the shower when one of your favorite songs come on. Or when a friend talks about a text they got from their Dad.

You can never really understand grief and losing someone close to you until you go through it. I didn't know how to process my emotions, and honestly, still really don't. I still feel every mixed emotion in the book when I think of you Dad... anger, sadness, relief, longing.

Though what happened was destiny and nothing I could control, there are things I can control. I can control the fist bump I give to your photo in my room every day, and I definitely feel your bony knuckles bumping back haha. I can control how I use you as my motivation to dream as big as my mind can imagine, just as you did.

And Dad, don't you ever worry about our family. They miss you lots, but they’re staying strong. And I’ll make sure nothing ever happens to Mom and Dishant and Baa and that they’re as happy and healthy as they can be. I promise.

I’m doing okay too Dad, still working at Facebook. 6 years already, can you believe it? I still remember touring the campus together when I first started. Oh, I started a chai business too. If only you could try this delicious chai haha I even got the clay cups imported from India! Wish me luck :) 

What's crazy is I still feel you around Dad. Your energy flutters the room often, and you come pay a visit to me in my dreams when I need you the most. Happy and healthy, but also a lil chubby I must say. That beer belly sticking out through your grey Adidas sweatshirt of yours and classic white khaki pants. But still handsome.

—

You were a walking legend amongst us mortals, and your stories live on to this day. I’m so proud of everything you accomplished. You served as an inspiration to many, and you greatly overachieved. You weren't supposed to make it this far from a village in India. You weren't supposed to know how to be an amazing Dad, who pushes me to dream and always be myself. You weren’t supposed to know how to be such a supportive husband, treating Mom with the utmost respect, trust, and faith. But you did and that's why, even though it's been two years since we've lost you in this world, your legacy lives on.

Miss you more than life itself. 

Love Always, 

Kedar